“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants.
The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs.
This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand.
Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations.
What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes.
Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments.
When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
Do you wish you could turn back time and make your ex love you again, or they would get back together with you?
I know it`s hard after a relationship break up, but what if you could wipe the slate clean and start over. Right now you may be feeling this is an improbable situation and that things have just gone too far. Maybe it`s too complicated or to messed up, for you to even see any hope.
“I am going to show you that it`s not a lost cause…And there is hope!”
Right now you are in a lot of pain and heartache, I know this because your here reading this. But I have been there to, I know how you’re feeling; I understand what you are going through.
Many people think a relationship break up is just about the two ex partners, but it`s more than that. Do you break down and cry when you hear “your song” on the radio, do you avoid the regular pub or restaurant you both used to visit? And what about all the mutual friends and family that you shared, that you can’t face know.
Some good news.
A relationship break up does not always mean the end, most can be salvaged. Cheating partners, ex cons, lost passion the list is endless. Yet these break ups have all been pieced back together, I know it`s hard to believe with the feelings you have right now. Even the worst situation you can possibly imagine can be bought back from the depths of despair.
Some hope for you!
I can see you pulling a frown, and that`s ok. The thing is nearly everyone knows somebody who has taken their ex boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or partner back. It didn’t matter what that person had did, and I bet you can`t remember the story now either. So if it happened for them why can`t it happen for you?
Have you done this?
- We try to convince them we are the love of their life
- We will apologize profusely for everything
- Promise to change for good this time
- Try to get them to see that it wasn’t really our fault
- Even beg with them to take us back
I think you should know….It`s not your fault, we seem to have TV shows, groups, books, magazines and clubs for every subject these day. But what about a relationship break up, no one ever taught you what to do or what to say to keep it fresh and alive!
It’s easier said than done, let me tell you. When my relationship broke down I was a total mess, I cried a lot and stayed indoors. Some friends had told me moving on after a break up was easy, I just think they had no heart or didn’t love their ex partner like they said.
“So just how do you move on when your world feels like it’s falling down all around you”
I don’t actually think there is one straight forward answer to moving on after a break up, I believe it’s a combination of very small things. You could throw yourself into more at work, do some overtime or push for a promotion. Join a club or gym, or even keep fit with swimming.
And then there’s the other scale, where you could go out drinking every night or start clubbing on a weekend. All this will lead to is major hangovers, a lateness for work resulting in the sack and rapid weight gain.
So what’s the cure?
Well how about spending time with you!
Get to know the real you again, start doing or learning something you really enjoy. Not only will this put a smile back on your face, it will make you feel good about yourself. Spend evenings in alone with a take away a nice bottle of wine, and your favourite film. Pamper yourself with new clothes or tickets to a show, have a little you time for a change it works wonders.
Want your ex back?
Ok, so you bumped into each other in the street. There was eye contact, the spark is still there. You’ve decided moving on after a break up is not easy; you want your ex back in your life. So what you going to do? Well me I watched these FREE getting your ex back advice articles and videos; don’t make the mistakes you made before!
I don’t remember being taught that at school, along with history and maths. And I think this may have been my problem – sure you get the odd pointer from your dad but you’re not dating your mom are you!
I had no one to tell me about the problems I might run into, when my relationships got that bit more serious. There was no night class for me to attend for break up advice, or high priced phone line for me to ring.
I suppose I could have asked my friends, but I didn’t want everyone to know my problems. Plus some of my girlfriends were my partner’s best friends, and were bound to tell. You can’t exactly blurt it out to the guys, well not without some strange looks or a bit of teasing anyway.
So that was my conundrum, I needed someone to talk to. Or give me some good “how not to” break up advice, as I watched my relationship fall apart. In the beginning you are willing to try just about anything, to keep it all together.
And I did……………..
• It’s not your fault it’s mine
• Can’t we give it one last chance
• Let’s just start over
• But you’re the love of my life!
• Please take me back
But in the end the more your relationship breaks down, the worse you start to feel. The fear of losing this beautiful person that you cherish and long to be with becomes unbearable. The pain and heartache you are going through, as they finally walk out of your door and life crushes your soul.
“And you know there is nothing you can do or say”…
Well that’s what I thought anyway! I did the usual things cried, locked my doors pulled the curtains. Avoided my friends and kept away from the bars and clubs we used to go to. After all that time of not being able to get any break up advice, I found these videos and articles about “making up and getting your ex back” ; http://url123.info/~exback